Monday, February 9, 2009

the kind of saddness that doesn't just go away...

Saturday, I got a pm on my facebook. It was from an ex-wife of an old friend. I met my old friend in highschool. He and his best friend had pranked called my best friend...somehow we ended up chatting on the phone for a couple of years and then meeting and hanging out for a couple more years. (okay, this was before I was a Christian) Then life changed...I got married, he got married, he went off to college with his wife in another city and so on and so on...then we all saw each other after my ds was born. He, his wife, and three handsome little boys came over to my house. It was a short, sweet visit. Little did I know it would be the last visit ever.

A couple years later I had spoke with his wife on the phone. He left her and three boys shortly afterwards...he told his wife he married her only for her to put him through school. : :( She was devastated. So was I...I prayed for a long time.

I remember that he always had demons in his closet...he had problems with depression, self esteem, a bad family life...I think this was part of his problem.

Anyhow, yesterday his ex-wife reached me through Facebook. She had made contact with me through Classmates but I guess never get my reply.

After a couple of plesantries, she told me she had thought of me several times through the years and also to tell me unfortunate news, that her ex, my friend had committed suicide about 5 years ago. I was shocked, saddened, not so surprised....all kinds of emotions, feelings, thoughts raced through my head.

If only there was a way to have helped him. Why didn't I know then what I know now about demonic and spiritual warfare? Why couldn't he see the TRUTH? Why did he have to deal with demons? I've been going over and over in my head there were signs when we were friends...why didn't I pick up on them then? I'm so grieved.....so sad...

Why couldn't he have known the TRUTH? Why did he have to live by circumstances and feelings?

ACCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKkkk!!!! Why? why? why?

I don't have any answers...I only know someday I will stand before the LORD...and someday we will see the faces in the big crack beneath us and I'll probably see my friend's face...and that makes me very, very sad.

I urge you to pray for your lost, unsaved family and friends. It's so disheartening to know there is nothing I can do now...NOTHING!!!

3 comments:

Susan said...

Heart wrenching.

One thing I've learned though Bobbi, and that is not to ask "Why?" That is the one question God never answers, at least not during our life time here on earth. God did not even answer Jesus when on the cross he said, "Why has thou forsaken me?"
Susan

sweeteeyore71 said...

thanks for visiting my blog--so i came to yours--and i will add you to my blog--i don't know if you read my blog--but i too never knew or understood much about spiritual warfare/demon attacks or anything like that--until i have experienced them and do--and i think until you understand that stuff it is hard to know it is out that--and then you would not have--so i agree you can't ask why??--and who would have known uness you would have seen, known, experienced,--spiritual warfare, demon attacks, and stuff like that is something i wish i never experienced LOL--but being a christian i guess it is somethimg we have too--i just hope i learn the ways being a new christian on how to deal with that stuff better. blessings to you,
wendy

Rosemary said...

Oh, honey, I am so sorry! Those are the "why" questions that we don't get answers to this side of heaven. It's just a hurt. You just have to keep doing your best every day, trusting God to use you where you are now, and not beat yourself up over what you coulda-shoulda-woulda done in the past. It's a sad thing, and it's hard when there's nothing you can do about it now. I'm keeping you in my prayers, sister.

http://www.thehomeschoollounge.com/profiles/blogs/1983515:BlogPost:293808

hugs,
Rosemary